Wounds of the past...

I don’t like to talk about the past, think about the past, or blame the past. I didn’t used to feel that way. I dwelled on it in every aspect that I possibly could because something about it allowed me to have an excuse for how miserable I was, and I could blame others for my problems instead of taking responsibility for how my life was. Although, I don’t allow it to be used as an excuse now, the past still affects me at times. Those old feelings of hurt, insecurity, anger, self-doubt or whatever other emotions that tend to be my strong-hold, resurface when something occurs in the now that resembles the past.

Over the last month or so there have been little things that have transpired that opened some old wounds that I thought had completely healed over with just small scare left visible. Like that old saying, you can forgive but you will never forget. If this would have happened several years ago, I would have completely fallen apart and lost all focus on anything positive. By the grace of God, He has been working on me and I have been following His lead and developed a strength that only He can provide. I will admit though, that I found myself beginning to get angrier and beginning to fall into a mental trap. The only thing that I can possibly say that lifted me out was the wisdom God has given to recognize the fault in my thoughts and not to dwell on what others choose to do but to focus on how I react and the control to maintain my thoughts and actions. It is much easier to fall apart, get angry, go off on people, and say it like it is. Sometimes that even makes us feel better in the moment. Even after we do that, the pain is still there. Those actions did not hurt the other people as much as we wanted it to. It also didn’t make them change anything or see how much their actions or words hurt us.

If you are holding on to hate, resentment, anger, blame, or whatever other negative emotion towards someone else you will always be trapped by them and be allowing them to have control over you. If someone did you wrong, why would you give them that power? I find hope and peace knowing that I can pray to God who can heal my wounds but also heal the person that hurt us and even reveal to them what they have done wrong. I have a new sense of empathy for others. I truly believe that a person can only do with what they are equipped to do. Their own past affects their choices. Praying for them that the Lord reveals their need of change and asking Him to heal them is the best thing we can do for them. God commands us to love our enemies. Our enemy is anyone who brings snare, temptation, or breeds anger in us. Not just a stranger or some foreign enemy you think of when it comes to war. Yes, even family can be as an enemy.We must love them but put a wall of protection about ourselves. We need also to pray that the Lord continues to heal us, change us, reveal to us where we have hurt others, and mold us into who He would have us to be.

#forgiveness #anger #selfdevelopment

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