Grace before my struggle...


This is one moment that I don’t even really know what to say or the words to use but I am going to try my best. A few weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night and had words suddenly come to mind. I do my best to listen to these words. I don’t always make note of them even though I know I should. This time I made note of the words. I typed them into my note app on my phone and that is as far as it went until today.


I was struggling with something very personal last night. A lot of old feelings from the past coming to the surface. Feelings that I had thought had been dealt with a LONG time ago. The day before this I had set my mind to a new determination and felt recharged. Isn’t it funny how that works? Our flesh always battles positive change. Anyways, those feelings were still eating at me this morning when I awoke to do my morning prayer. I keep a prayer journal because it allows me to get out what I need to say better than speaking. I wrote four pages to hash out the mess that was going on in my heart! I was not liking how I felt and why I felt that way. I asked God to show me what I needed to move past those thoughts and feelings. Little things came trickling in throughout the morning and since my ears were open, I heard them.


I went on about my tasks for the day, determined not to let my focus be deterred because of the unexpected turn of emotions. The time came for me to sit down and focus on getting some writing done. I went back through my notes, you know, the ones on my phone. I came across the notes that I had made that night when I suddenly woke up. That note was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I can’t even explain how that makes my heart feel. God gave me an answer before I knew I even needed it. I am overwhelmingly thankful that He chose to do that for me. I certainly do not deserve that kind of mercy and grace. Now that I have shared my story about those words, I am now going to share those words with you in hopes that it is an encouragement to you.


One simple phrase is all I heard:


“Expected future worth versus current value.”


This may mean something completely different for you. This is what I came to my mind when I read it again today…


We are so often quick to think of all the “stuff” we can gain and that our value or worth is based on "stuff". So many, end up in debt over trying to increase their current value quickly and outwardly in order to indicate or feel their worth. In this process, you don’t realize that you have devalued your future worth. You have given up a dollar to gain a penny’s worth when you should be trading pennies for dollars. That doesn’t make much sense, does it? What if there was a better way? What if my ability to deny myself instant gratification would lead to bigger things? I don’t just mean more “stuff” but I mean big life changes that would give you more than you can imagine. Who you are is far more important than what you have. Having more things does not make you a better or more important person. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have a list of things I would like to have one day. I am a human! But I would rather deny myself those things now in order to gain them one day without going into debt. I would rather develop Godly habits that He speaks of in His word and wait for His blessing because I was obedient than to jump ahead of do it on my own and hope for the best. I have been there more times than I care to admit….ahead of God.


I was not willing to wait for what I wanted. I would just “get it” because it’s what I wanted. I just knew it would make me happier but most times happiness didn’t follow. All that followed was regret, financial issues, or anger. Waiting is still hard for me. Slowly but surely God is working that change in me and giving me the ability to wait better. I would rather be prepared for those blessing so that I can be a good steward of them. I don’t want more to just lose more. I have lost a lot over the years and I am even in debt from those things lost. I now want to be a good steward of my current value to be prepared for my expected future worth. I believe that when we neglect to be proper stewards of what we have now that we are denying our future blessings. Blessings that would be far better than our current value of grabbing everything we can RIGHT NOW regardless of what it takes to get it. My inability to be a good steward of what I had at that moment and respecting my value at that time affected my future worth (now my current value).


So many people make their life miserable with financial stress and working a million jobs just to hold on to stuff. Stuff that doesn’t really make their life any better. They are missing time with their families. Their children are being raised by someone else or the children are raising themselves. They are missing out on LIFE. They aren’t able to live the life that God intended for them. I have said this before, we are all created for a unique purpose. We are not here to wake up, go to a job to make money to pay bills, come home, sleep then do it all over again the next day just to have “stuff”. YOU are meant for more. I am meant for more.


I am meant to move beyond the bad habits of my past to reach a better future. I am determined to break the old cycles that have been in my family for years. More years than I can even count. Your life is also not determined by your past or your family’s past. Don’t believe the lies that you are stuck or that you can’t help it because that is how you were raised. YOU can move beyond your current value by believing in your expected future value. Always, move forward to that no matter how long it takes. No matter where you are now there is always a higher worth for your future if you are willing to be a good steward of your current value.

#anger #forgiveness #lifechanges #fear #God #money #motivation #lifelessons

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